At this point I’ve heard of and been involved in several conflicts between people that end up social-blocking each other, telling friends lies about each other, and generally just wishing the other would go away (from a public space, private space, or in worst-case scenarios, life in general). This is a big problem for loving communities that want to foster inclusivity. Is there anything we can do, as neutral parties to help these people enjoy shared spaces in loving ways?
Below is a worksheet that can help repair damage caused by rifts between people in a community. First suggest they read The Four Agreements before completing – it’s a very short book and a very good set of rules to follow for creating a loving community. Whichever party refuses to do these things should be called out by their community as ‘festering the wound’ instead of ‘healing the wound’, and should be the one socially pressured to come back to integrity and love. However, we should employ the techniques in Non-Violent Communication when doing this social pressuring.
Current rough draft of a more professional video coming soon:
Conflict Resolution Worksheet
1. Understanding your feelings and their source
(A) On a scale from 0-10 please indicate your level of the following emotion toward the other person in this conflict.
(B) On a scale from 0-10 please indicate the level the person is responsible for causing in you.
2. Coming back to integrity
(A) What lies, if any, do you think this person has told about you?
(B) What lies, if any, have you told about this person?
3. Building a Bridge
There is a great article about how after one person causes pain in another (intentionally or not), the other person’s reaction may cause pain in them, and they may not be able to correctly understand or take responsibility for that. This often leads to a sort of resonant frequency of the type that destroys bridges. What we want to do with this conflict resolution is to rebuild a bridge between the two people which this storm has caused to collapse, and which has left a community confused and in pain. The human brain is a very fragile thing at times, and with the rise of social media, unintentional bullying is on the rise.
(A) Are you willing to take responsibility for the pain caused in another from your behavior or action, even if the cause was a _REACTION_ to pain they caused you? Circle one.
(B) What specific actions could the other party take over the next month or two to change your answers in 1.b to ones that you think would be healthier and beneficial to you both and the community you share?
(C) Return to your answers in question 1 and answer how you think the other person will answer when completing this worksheet – simply write what you think their answer will be after a small amount of space to the right of your answer.
(D) What actions do you think you could take over the next month or two to change the other person’s response to 1(b) to ones that would be healthier and beneficial to you both and the community you share?